Monday Motivation: Before & After

Friends

One of the ways we mark the passage of time is by celebrating anniversaries. We chronicle the events of our lives by remembering our wedding days, the birth of our children, the date of a favorite trip. Some anniversaries are marked not with celebration, but with reflection. Today is one of those days for me.

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“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 – NIV

Thirty years ago, on the first of October, I walked into my local optometrist’s office for a routine appointment. I assumed that an adjustment in my contacts would fix the problem. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. Yet, even as I pushed through the office door, I knew something was wrong. I just had no idea then, how wrong things really were.

I recall the puzzled look that crossed the good doctor’s face as I began telling him my strange story. His eyebrows rose as I described the repeated weird experience of dropping a pen or paper clip and then not being able to find the object on the floor. The frown began when I described the series of fender benders, but the frown intensified when I mentioned the bruises on my shins from repeatedly running into my son’s little red rocking chair.

I knew that I had flunked the visual field test before I even finished the test. I had a bad feeling seated in that exam chair, but I was totally unprepared for what was coming. I couldn’t see it then, but I was standing on a precipice, a long, hard fall looming in front of me. There was no way for that frightened young woman seated in that exam chair to know how much her life would change in the days and weeks to follow, let alone the years thereafter.

On that long ago October afternoon, my 33rd birthday was only thirteen days away. That day was a turning point, a line of demarcation, dividing my life into before and after.

Before, there was the happy childhood, the fascinating, yet challenging life of an Army brat. Before, there was the brown-eyed girl with blonde curls becoming the young woman, meeting the handsome football player who entered her life and never exited, the college student becoming the nurse, finding passion in her chosen profession. Before, there was the chilly December wedding day, the young married life, the birth of a precious baby boy. Before, there were plans, and hopes, and dreams.

After, everything changed. The very fabric of life was torn, ripped, shredded into a thousand broken threads. The dreams crashed. The plans flew out the window, and along with them, went the hope.

After, the car keys were gone. After, the job changed. After, there was a neverending list of rides to arrange. After, the driven, self-reliant, determined nurse had to ask for help. After, the fiercely independent young woman was not so independent anymore.

It took time, but the healing came. There was the bright little boy who brought the sunshine back. There was the good man who stood beside me, solid and steadfast. There was the loving family, the incredible parents, the forever friends.

33 years came before, 30 years came after. In the before, there were good times, but there were hard times too. In the after, there have been incredibly hard stretches, so many difficult days, but standing here, looking back, there were so many more good days than bad. Out of that hard came so much good, so much growth. Out of that hard came a stronger faith, a deeper love. The hope once lost returned, and with it, came the joy.

In all of it, God was there. He saw me through the struggles, and He made life good again.

There was before. There was after, but there was always God. God was there in the happy days of bright sunshine, but He was also there to wipe my tears away. He was there when I cried out in fear and frustration. He was there to furnish the rides, to open the doors, to lead me through the rough places. God took the ripped fabric, tenderly mended the broken threads, and began weaving a new cloth. The dark threads were still there, but shiny new threads overlayed them, bringing back the bright colors, bringing beauty once again to the tapestry of my life.

Can you divide your life into before and after? What moment marked your demarcation line? I know the hard things are there in your life, because I know that everybody has something. Still, as you reflect on your life today, can you find the good that came out of the hard? Can you see how the fabric of your life was re-woven? Can you find the beauty in your own tapestry?

God was there before. God remains in the after. God is the master weaver, restoring the broken threads. God brought beauty out of the brokenness of my life, and He will do so for you. Trust Him with your hard things, and watch Him weave a tapestry of brilliant color from the broken threads of your despair.

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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””

Joshua 1:9 – NIV

PRAYER

O Good and Gracious God, our lives are filled with hard things, yet You never leave us to face them alone. You are there before, and after, and through it all. We may not be spared the suffering, but we can trust that You will work all things together for good. You are the master weaver, and You can mend our broken threads, weaving something new and good, making life beautiful once again.

In the Glorious Name of Jesus, we pray,

Amen

Blessings,

Anita

For more of Anita’s story, check out her personal memoir, “Rough Places Smooth: Moments In A Journey Through Blindness,” now available on Amazon as a paperback or Kindle eBook.

-APS 10/2/2023