Monday Motivation: Let It Go

Friends

Reflecting back on a life lesson from my days as a young nurse. It’s a life lesson that still rings true even now.

 

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;”

Proverbs 3:5 – NIV

 

Although uninvited and most unwelcome, death is a frequent visitor to the coronary care unit. As a young critical care nurse, I used to steel myself for action as I passed through the double doors of the CCU  to start my nursing shift. Some day shifts began quietly after receiving report from the off-going nurse, while other days I bolted into action like a racehorse leaving the starting gate. Some night shifts passed calmly, the heart monitors playing a steady beat as I easily moved through my nursing tasks. Other nights, I ran from room to room stomping out fires that blazed out of control. But always, no matter the day or night shift, death was my enemy.

 

In defense against death, I pushed cardiac meds and hung IV drips. When lethal heart rhythms ran across the heart monitor screen, I rushed in with the defibrillator to deliver a lifesaving electrical shock. When death made a hard charge, I jumped on the hospital bed and performed CPR. When heart rates slowed, I helped insert temporary pacemakers. I kept vigil over ventilators when breathing was threatened.

 

Despite my valiant efforts, that idealistic 20-something Anita soon learned that I was not in control, and try as I might, death could not always be deterred. I soon learned that all I could do was do my best. I could offer my best skills and deliver them with compassion and diligence. Sometimes they worked, and sometimes they didn’t. On those nights when they didn’t work, when I would lose a patient I had tried hard to save, it was heart-wrenching. I would pass through those double doors headed for home with my shoulders slumped and my spirits sagging.

 

That’s when I learned another important lesson. I learned that I had to let it go. All I could do was do my best and let God have the rest. He was the one in charge anyway, not me. My job was to be the best nurse I could be, day in, day out, and trust God for the outcomes.

 

I learned quickly that I couldn’t take the losses home with me. I couldn’t afford to bring my patients’ struggles with me when I finally finished my shift. The sadness and stress can quickly take its toll if you stay focused on it day after day. I needed a way to separate my worK  life from my home life, and the arm on the parking lot gate became my visual cue.

 

I thought about my patients as I left the nursing unit. I thought about my patients as I trudged along those white linoleum hallways toward the exit door of the hospital. I thought about my patients as I crossed the parking lot, found my car, and started the engine. But when the arm of the parking lot gate lifted to allow my car to pass through, I let it go. I made the conscious decision to stop thinking about the patients I had left behind. It was time to let it go.

 

I was reminded of that critical lesson in nurse survival when I visited the Flight 93 Memorial near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. During his informative and emotional ranger talk, the seasoned park ranger discussed how hard it was to come to work every day and talk about death. Not just death, but mass murder. Every day, he re-tells the story of the terrorist hijacking of Flight 93 on September 11, 2001. Every day, he re-lives the timeline of that day and re-tells the events that led to the crash on that Pennsylvania hillside. Several times daily, he shares the stories of the 40 passengers and crew who lost their lives trying to stop four terrorists bent on destruction. The park ranger confessed that dealing with the subject matter of death and loss every day takes its toll. That’s when he said that when his car reaches the stop sign at the park entrance and he makes the turn to head for home, he leaves it all behind. He has learned that for his own mental health, it is imperative to let it go.

 

It’s not that he doesn’t care. It’s obvious that he cares very much. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about my patients. I cared very much, sometimes almost too much. But what both the park ranger and I had to learn was that no matter how much you care or how hard you try to change things, there is a point at which, for the sake of your soul, you must learn to let it go.

 

Friends, what problems are plaguing your mind this morning? What hurt are you hanging onto today? Is there a worry that is weighing you down? Are you sinking in sadness? Have the losses of this life taken their toll on your suffering soul? Take it to God. Lift it up in prayer and release it from your grasp. You were not meant to carry the weight on your shoulders alone. Release it to God. Let it go.

 

As a young nurse, I learned quickly that death is a formidable enemy, and that no matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t in control of that fight. Only God was.  God alone in His sovereinty was in control of the outcome.  Once I understood that truth, once I accepted that loss is a part of life and not a fault or a failure, I found some peace. It still hurt to lose a patient, especially those I grew close to, yet, I came to realize that my duty was not to defeat death, but rather to ease suffering through competent and compassionate care.

 

Friends, we cannot fix all the problems facing us, no matter how hard we try. All we can do is our best, and give God the rest. In trust, we can learn to let it go.

 

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“in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:6 – NIV

 

PRAYER

O Sovereign Lord, we want so much to heal the hurts, to make the wrongs right. We mourn the losses and feel the heartache of brokenness. Our burdens wear us out and steal our joy. Help us to rest in You, accepting that we are not in control, and that all we can do is our best and give You the rest. For You are good, and your plans for us are good, and in trusting You, we can learn to let it go.

In the Powerful Name of Jesus, we pray,

Amen

 

Blessings,

Anita

 

-APS 9/16/2024