Monday Motivation: Suffocating

Friends

Have you ever experienced a panic attack? I had never had a panic attack before, but I certainly did on a long ago October evening when I found myself trapped inside an MRI machine. Between the anguish of an uncertain diagnosis and the pounding noises reverberating all around my head, I practically came unglued.

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“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”

Psalm 40:2 – NIV

Have you ever felt like you were suffocating, your anxious thoughts swirling in a whirlwind,spinning faster and faster, , ramping up and up, sucking all the air out of your lungs? That’s how I felt on that night thirty years ago when the doctor sent me for an emergency MRI of the brain. At that point, I had no idea what was causing my vision loss. Was it a brain tumor? Multiple sclerosis? Some other devastating, life-threatening disease? Nothing was certain except the sheer terror I felt when the technician slid me into that stark white, metal tube.

“The technician helped me up onto the hard table and positioned my head before sliding me head first into the MRI machine. Lying there, surrounded by that white circular dome, I thought I would suffocate.

“Now Ms. Sherer, please lie still and don’t move your head.” The machine began with its pounding, pulsating noises, and my heart began to race. I couldn’t catch my breath. The walls were closing in on me. I was about to jump out of my skin. “I’m going to smother. I can’t do this.”

I knew how important it was to finish the test. I knew I had to be still. The technicians were talking to me, reassuring me, but their reassurances couldn’t reach inside my panicked brain. The anxiety kept rising, and my chest felt like it would explode.”*

-APS, from “Rough Places Smooth”

Lying there in that cold white tomb, there was nothing I could do to escape my terror. There was no where to run, no place to turn, except toward God.

“It is amazing how you finally turn to God when all your options are lost. They say there are no atheists on the battlefield. I can understand that. It is one thing to doubt God exists when everything is going your way. However, when the chips are down, and your world is falling apart, you really want God to be there. You want some help.”*

-APS, from “Rough Places Smooth”

Have you ever found yourself in such a place, your world falling apart, clinging to the end of a rope that was unraveling before your eyes? It’s a terrifying place of anguish. No one can reach inside your head and fix it. No one can stop the merry-go-round of your panicked thoughts. No one can stop that ride of terror and let you off. No one except God.

“Yet, as I lay there panicking, feeling like the air was being sucked out of my chest, I began to pray with a fervor I had not experienced in a long time. I needed God, and I so wanted Him to be there. “Help me, Lord! I can’t do this. Please let this be OK.”*

-APS, from “Rough Places Smooth”

Friends, that’s when God showed up. In truth, God was there all along, but I couldn’t see Him. It was as if my panicked thoughts were blocking my view like a line of thick, black clouds obliterating the sun.

Yet, as I lay there praying, crying out to God, those dark clouds seemed to part, and a tiny ray of light burst through. Suddenly, the words of Psalm 23 were there in my mind. Those beautiful words committed to memory as a young child were there, glowing in my mind, and I began to repeat those verses over and over, clinging to them like an anchor in a storm.

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”

Psalm 23:1-6 – KJV

Friend, are you in a storm today? Are your panicked thoughts swirling like a tempest, your brain besieged by a bank of thunderheads so dark that you cannot find the light? Cry out to God. God is there even if you cannot see Him. God knows your terror. God feels your pain. Keep on praying. Keep on trusting. Reach for His Word, hold on tight, and let it restore your soul.

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“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”

Psalm 56:3 – NIV

PRAYER

O Lord God, meet us in our moments of panic. Strengthen us to fight the fear that so easily consumes us. Life is hard, and we often feel lost and afraid. Remind us that we are not alone. Help us feel Your presence. Help us to cling to Your Word. Lord, we place our trust in You. Lead us beside still waters and restore our peace.

In the Mighty Name of Jesus, we pray,

Amen

Blessings,

Anita

*Excerpts from the story “Suffocating” in Chapter 1 of “Rough Places Smooth: Moments In A Journey Through Blindness.”

© 2022 by Anita Peden Sherer

All Rights Reserved.

-APS 10/16/2023