Friends
Have you ever had someone show up for you in the perfect way on a really tough day? I have, and the support of those loving friends made such a difference on that absolutely horrible day.
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“When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”
Job 2:11, 13 – NIV
“I heard the car door slam. I opened the back door and bounded down the steps. As I crossed the carport, I caught sight of Mary headed my way. She came, bearing pansies. A whole flat of the colorful, smiling flowers was nestled in her arms.
My tall, gracious friend was smiling as she greeted me. “I brought you something to do.” She held up the flat of happy flowers as if they were a trophy I had won. Her smile was genuine, while her eyes were moist with tears.”*
-APS, from “Rough Places Smooth: Moments In A Journey Through Blindness”
I remember that day like it was yesterday. The images are vivid in my mind. My friends came. They showed up for me on that long ago October day, the day after my whole world fell apart. They had heard the news, heard the four words the doctor had spoken, the four words that radically altered my life, “You are legally blind.”
My friends didn’t know what to say. There was nothing they really could say to make it better, but they could be there. They could show up and stand beside me. They could share my grief. It wasn’t their words that made the difference. It was their presence.
The Bible is filled with countless stories of struggle and loss, but perhaps none so tragic as the book of Job. In a sudden, overpowering onslaught, Jobis hit with a horrifying set of gutwrenching losses. It’s more than anyone should ever have to bear. There was no solace for his despair, no words that could even come close to comforting him. Nothing could soothe his devastated soul.
Still, his friends showed up. They stood beside him, tearing their garments as an outward display of their grief. Their presence was a great comfort to Job in that moment. It was what he needed most.
Now, unfortunately, they did go on to speak, and that didn’t work out so well. They would’ve been better off remaining silent. It’s easy for us to criticize their comments now, but I believe their intentions were good. They wanted to help. His dear friends hoped to share the right words, words that would bring comfort and perspective, words that they thought Job needed to hear. Still, hindsight is 20/20, and we know now what Job’s friends didn’t know then. They would have been better off holding their tongues.
The book of Job offers several important lessons on managing grief. One of those lessons highlights the value of loving and faithful friendships. When friends show up and stand with us in a time of loss, it sends a powerful message of love and hope. The presence of friends is a reassurance that we don’t have to face this loss alone.
When we show up, we need to remember that it’s not about the words we say. Words cannot bring back what was lost. All too often, our feeble attempts at insight or perspective fall way short of the mark. Sometimes, no matter how well meaning our intentions, our words actually make those who are grieving feel worse, particularly when the loss is fresh.
It’s our presence that speaks volumes, not our words. Keeping our statements simple and sincere is always a good choice. The old adage, “Say what you mean, and mean what you say,” holds true. It may feel trivial to offer “I’m sorry” or “I’m praying,” but when you really mean those words and back them up with your presence, your words carry weight.
We cannot fix another’s grief. “Grief is a process, not a one and done deal.”** It takes time to get through grief. Job’s friends were most supportive when they stood with him, silent and waiting , ready to listen.
The words of James 1:19 remind us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. That seems good counsel as we walk through grief with another. For us extroverts, it’s hard to resist the urge to speak, but in times of grief, listening and praying are far better communicators of our loving care than our words.
My friends showed up for me on that heartbreaking October day thirty years ago. They showed up that day and so many days thereafter. It wasn’t so much their words that brought me comfort, though they said many things that made a difference. It was their presence, their friendship, their faithfulness that spoke volumes to me, and still does.
Is there someone you need to show up for today? Don’t delay. They need to know you care. Resist the urge to speak and fix it. Just show up. It will make all the difference.
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“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17 – NIV
PRAYER
O Gracious Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of friendship. Thank You for the good people You place in our paths,for the comfort and support they provide in our times of heartache and loss. Help us to honor our friends and family by being the kind of people who show up and stand strong in times of need. Grant us compassion and generosity as we serve one another throughout life’s challenges. May we be a blessing even as we have been so richly blessed.
In the Loving Name of Jesus, we pray,
Amen
Blessings,
Anita
*Excerpt from the story “Bearing Pansies” in Chapter 2 of “Rough Places Smooth: Moments In A Journey Through Blindness”
**Quote from “Bearing My Cross” in Chapter 18 of “Rough Places Smooth”
© 2022 by Anita Peden Sherer
All Rights Reserved.
-APS 10/9/2023
Faith Beyond Sight 